At home, life is sweet. I get my own room, a bed with four pillows, air conditioning for the insane weather and my own bathroom.
I sound like a prima donna? Oh yeah? Would you be able to live a happy life if :-
1) You walk into your bathroom with the simple and perfectly natural intention of taking a leak, you look into the toilet bowl and see a bunch of PUBES taking a swim in the bowl. Pubic hair. Pubic hair, my friend. That is just plain rude. You would think that common courtesy, common sense and common hygiene would dictate that you to just push the little lever that mankind has invented to flush down the things that you want to get rid of. Or maybe I'm being pessimistic. Maybe it's a peace offering. You know, like the way your pets bring you little dead animals and drop it on your doorstep. Maybe in my bathroom mates' heads, they're thinking "Gee, she's a nice person. She washes the floor after she showers so I don't slip on her soap suds. Maybe I'll leave her a little gift. Snippity-snip-snip... THERE! The perfect gift! She'll love it."
2) It's 2am and you've had a long day. You've finally got the chance to tuck yourself into bed, and close your eyes. Suddenly, the bathroom door opens really loud, she literally rams her fist into the wall to switch on the bathroom light, and starts to pee. And not pee in a ladylike tinkle, a full on jet stream of pee is speeding into the toilet bowl, making me imagine horses. You know the way horses pee, that steady stream of urine flowing out in a very consistent pattern. And even worse, she's singing Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. I mean, I admire her bladder control but Bad Romance at 2am in the morning is bad.
*I took a quick break. People Magazine announces Ryan Reynolds is Sexiest Man Alive 2010! It must be those cheese-grater abs.*
3) You walk into the bathroom for a shower and guess what's on the floor? MUD. Seriously?! How in heaven's name did mud get on the floor? Did they decide to take mud baths? I know it's good for the skin, but oh God, couldn't they go jungle trekking during a storm or something? And why oh why oh why couldn't they have the common courtesy to wash the floor? Is it so hard to take the pipe, point it towards the drain, and wait for the water to do all the work? My heart is aching now, really.
4) One of them has the smelliest loofah's on Earth. It smells like it hasn't taken a shower. Which is weird because, well, it's a loofah. It's supposed to smell clean. You're supposed to put soap on it and scrub your body, thus the clean and soapy smell. If the loofah smells bad, imagine what the person who uses it smells like. And even worse, she hangs it at the shower knob; the one that you turn to make the water come. Therefore forcing me to smell it.
5) The amount of hair they shed is amazing. If I didn't wash it down the drain for them, it could literally carpet the floor. I could have a nice, furry bathroom floor like the rich people do in "Teen Cribs" on MTV. Except it's human hair and its not soft, white and fluffy. Not to mention gross. My friends tell me I am sharing a bathroom with Sasquatch and Bigfoot. It's not a happy community. The drains suffer, the little vent above the drain suffers, I suffer. They don't suffer, though. I think they're perfectly happy with hairy floors and clogged drains. Because hey, that's how hairy giants roll, I guess.
So now that we know what the problem is, how do we solve it? It's a delicate situation, really. We're not talking about the weather or coursework or how to cook good pasta or something nice and impersonal. We're talking about pubes and how they pee and smelly loofahs and the hairs on their head.
What do I say to them? Do I leave them a subtle note? If I do, how do I give it to them? Do I slip it under their door, or do I tape it to the bathroom wall, or to really punish them; I could tape it to their main door and let the whole world see.
Or I could kick their door down, scream in their faces about their disgusting habits and maybe they'll see how much it upsets their nice neighbour and be more considerate. But then, maybe they'll get offended and scream right back in my face about my unknown disgusting habits. Because that's the thing, maybe they don't realise they're being disgusting. Maybe that's how they were raised and they're just rolling the way they have always rolled; disgustingly. And thus, if I bring up the subject in their faces, they might tell me that I'm actually equally disgusting to them but I just haven't realised because I've been rolling the way I've always rolled; awesomely.
But yes, I am in a big dilemma. I know I have to face this, I absolutely cannot survive with mud on the floor and pubes in the toilet bowl. I have to figure out how to say "You bitches are disgusting, could you be less disgusting so that I can shower in peace without having to wash your nasty hairs down the drain for you" in the most polite and non-offensive way.
I WILL FIGURE THIS PROBLEM OUT.
1 comment:
haha. i feel for u honey. really do. and dapat rase the suffering through ur words. huhu.
why not paste a note in the toilet. cakap politely. write it as kind as possible with pls and tq's.
maybe, just maybe they'll get the message clear enough.
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