how much more must i take?

you wanna know what dugaan is?
dugaan is having to call and order McD for your mother and brother who are not fasting.
dugaan is having to collect the McD from the delivery guy and ignore the weird looks he's giving you because you ordered McD in the middle of the day and you are so obviously a Malay.
dugaan is having to help your brother put his chicken and fries on the plate for him.
dugaan is watching your mother eat a burger right in front oh you.

and dugaan is having to go outside and chase your cats back into the house right after seeing all that food.

my pahala is obviously 1000 times more than yours.

its a shouty world

my mother constantly shouts, even when she's just talking on the phone.
my brother only shouts when he gets his seizure attacks, and when he does, he hits 100000 decibels.
my dad rarely shouts, and when he does it sounds like thunder.
but when i start shouting, the others start to shout even louder.

my very own destroyer

blogs are dangerous. look where RPK's blog got him. look where Adele's blog got her. i don't even want to think where my blog will get me if i actually did post every single thing on my mind. Timbuktu, perhaps. or maybe Mars? or somewhere to that effect.

i am seriously thinking about deleting this blog but my decision goes two ways. first, i think i SHOULD delete this blog because almost every day i'm hearing things like "omg, this person just got in trouble for writing this on their blog" and "be careful, this person is reading your blog. watch what you're saying". the cowardly side of me wants to save myself from the trouble and having to explain myself if i do say something wrong. i mean, is it worth it? i've got better things to do than to explain my opinions to those who don't agree, thank you.

and then i think that i SHOULD NOT delete this blog because the stubborn side of me refuses to back down just because somebody doesn't like what i'm saying. its my blog and i have the right to say what i want. to hell with those who don't like it, my opinions have worth. and if i get into trouble, bring it on. i know what i'm talking about and i can talk about whatever i want to. it's a free country and i have my freedom.

then my two contrasting sides come up with a compromise to keep this blog completely neutral and just write about things without actually having a direct opinion about things that are happening. i'll be like a reporter reporting to no one.

but where's the fun in that? i might as well work as a reporter. at least i'll get paid for having no opinion.

so, to satisfy myself, i will say my opinions. i just have to be extremely subtle and indirect so nobody can use my opinions against me. it'll be like a huge mind game.

so, you know what i think? i think power goes to people's heads too much and too often. do we actually have any grounded leaders in the world today? people are either corrupt with power or just chasing for more power which will eventually lead to their corruption. thats what its like with any leader; world leader, school prefect, ketua kampung, whatever. and when somebody speaks out, they do all they can to crush it because nooooo, they can't have somebody having a mind of their own. it tarnishes their shine. its a speck of dirt on their otherwise clean and perfect world.

we're all made of dirt. play with dirt once in a while.

how's that for subtle and indirect?
i somehow think i'm kidding myself because anybody with a brain can figure out what i just wrote.
then again, my opinions have worth. everybody's opinion has worth.

tag! i'm it

i need to start taking care of my face. there's like a freaking garden of pimples growing under my bottom lip. and i can tell you, it doesn't look pretty like a garden is supposed to be. and it hurts.

yaya tagged me, by the way. i guess i have to answer =.=

*****

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves..

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse.These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
* haihh, ikut kau lah. aku bla dulu ye.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
* world peace and a better environment. HAHA somebody please kick me now.

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
* my own, if thats possible :|

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
* give me a billion, then i'll figure it out.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
* if i'm a lesbian.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
* being loved :)

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
* until i get tired of waiting?

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
* wey, pergi beribadat la. hahaha yes, you may kick me in the head now.

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?
* raya is comingggggg!

10. What takes you down the fastest?
* an undertaker. haha wtf?

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
* hmm 16 + 10 = 26. how about old?

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
* la familia.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
* she's a tiny kind of person, heheh.

Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
* single and rich lah. lipstick jungle gitu HAHA

15. What's the first thing you do when you wake up?
* groan.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
* i would give all in a marriage.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
* 1) i would not fall in love with two people simultaneously
2) if i did, i wouldn't pick anyone. i'd just continue being the asshole that i am to be dating two people at a time.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
* forgive but don't forget.

19.Do you prefer being single or having a relationship?
* pergi beribadat lah.

*****

and i shall break rule #2 and NOT tag anybody. you fellas should be thanking me. haha.

creep

my special ability to move my ears and freak people out has reached a whole new level.
i just discovered that i can not only move both my ears, but my right ear by itself.
so i can move either my right ear or both my ears.
how much of a freak can i be? :D

don't speak

what's a blog? publish thoughts.

as humans, we all have different thoughts and of course they don't always see eye to eye. and as humans, we all like to express our different thoughts. that is where a little thing called freedom of speech comes in. somebody told me that everybody is entitled to this freedom, but this freedom comes with responsibility. any mature person with a half a brain can figure this out.

BUT if somebody is punished just for expressing their opinion and telling it like it is while being completely aware of her responsibility as a blogger, is that freedom of speech? maybe she did say a few harsh words about some people, but its just an opinion. everybody has an opinion. she just chose to say it out loud.

and think; if somebody does say something bad, it has to come from somewhere. its not like anybody would suddenly say "you suck, i hate you and for no reason okay".

i don't understand the punishment. a warning would have been good enough, but a huge punishment for something as small and general as expressing an opinion? and its not as if the opinion was full of fuck yous. there were no four letter words at all. it was just the words of a frustrated, opinionated teenager who wasn't satisfied with another person and chose to write about it. it was an opinion.


after writing all that, it suddenly occurred to me that i might be next in line. if i'm called up for this, i'm going to plant a microchip into my brain and turn into an expressionless robot.

the view from the afternoon

this evening, before buka, i went outside just before maghrib. i've now decided that evening, when the sun is setting, is my favorite time of day.

the sky looked really great this evening. the sun was setting but it was turning cloudy so it was like the world was on fire, sort of. okay, not on fire but the air kind of had an orangey tint to it.
it was also thundering and there was lightning in the distance. it was like one of those scenes that National Geographic or Discovery Channel generate to replicate Mars or something. where the planets have fire all over the place and there are explosions and everything. it was one of those days when you really felt like you were living on a planet and not just the mere world which we take for granted every day.

and it's almost like every evening is different. the sun sets and makes the sky turn a different colour. sometimes its pink, sometimes its orange or maybe purplish. or it just turns from light blue to black.

and it's this time of the day when i feel most human and humble. mostly i go about my day ignoring the things around me, feeling big and in contorl, the world is my oyster. but in the evenings when i see the great things God gives us, i feel this huge sense of inferiority.
then i go inside to buka and i go and pray immediately.

sometimes, it just takes something as ordinary as the sun setting to make us appreciate what we have around us.

you should really try going outside just before maghrib. i think of it as my visual therapy.
wait, is there such a thing as visual therapy? =.=
there should be.