Tomororw, Saturday 9am, I will be at HELP University College, registering for the HELP Psychology Challenge 2009 and competing for a full scholarship worth RM 64900. Which covers my foundation studies and bachelor's degree in Psychology. Which has been my ambition since 2007.
I'm nervous. Nervous nervous nervous scared anxious anxious worried worried worried jittery jittery nervous nervous.
The butterflies in my stomach have been mating, and producing more butterflies.
This kills me, you know. This time tomorrow, I might get a scholarship which might pretty much bolt my future down for the next 3 years or so. This time tomorrow, I might also be feeling Dejected, Disappointed, and feeling completely Down. If only tomorrow would be judged based on how many alliterations I can come up with. Hahaha yeah right.
My palms and feet are sweating. I've never been this nervous. Not for debates, not for public speaking competitions, not for PMR results, not for anything. Well, yeah I'm usually able to control my fear and anxiousness pretty well, but not for this.
I can't sit still, it seems unnaturally hot today, I'm always thirsty, and I'm extreeeeemely restless. Gee, can't you tell?
Jesus Christ, I wish God would speed up time and just fast forward to 5.15 pm tomorrow. Just get me through tonight and tomorrow as quickly as possible.
You know what is causing all this? PRESSURE, that's what it is. Pressure because this is my chance. My chance to stop my dad from worrying about how to pay for my education, a chance for me to do what I want, a chance for me to keep my mother from nagging everyday to study and get my A's for SPM. I can make everything stop tomorrow. All I have to do is beat 30 noobs. Who will probably be Chinese kick ass smart shitheads with kiasu parents pushing for the scholarship, regardless of whether they actually WANT to do psychology or not.
I can do this.
I can.
I can.
I can.
I can.
I so can do this.
I am totally able.
Yes, I can!
Help!
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