College FML

The university I go to, Nottingham University (Semenyih), is very diverse. People from pretty much every corner of the universe come here because of the cultural diversity, the quality of education, the promise of a foreign experience but mostly because it's way cheaper than Nottingham UK but with the same educational format and syllabus and people are cheapskates nowadays. There are kids from Kazakhstan, Iran, Yemen, Saudi, the UK, China, Vietnam and the list goes on. I'd also like to point out that in this diversity, there are quite a few good-looking guys I'd like to snag as, let's face it, I'm a teenage girl in my prime. I'd like to be able to bag a hot guy and be a bitch about it to my girlfriends. I mean, who wouldn't like that, right?

But of course, as life would have it, I don't get hot guys falling at my feet. I get creepy Nigerian stalkers instead.

In August 2010, as I was walking to class alone, I was stopped by a random stranger. The first thing that struck me was the size of his front teeth. As in "Holy mother of God, you could land a plane on those teeth" not "What a beautiful set of pearls, I wouldn't mind him going all vampire on me". Unfortunately.

Then he introduced himself.

"Uhh h-h-hey my name is Selere, what's up?"

To clarify, Selere is pronounced Se-leer-ree. Not se-leer, and not celery. I spent a long time thinking about why his parents named him as a vegetable and whether it had anything to do with the blank look he always has on his face. But it's not celery, so it cleared some thoughts away.

Anyway, he chats me up and adds me on Facebook about a day later. Me, being so naive, clueless, innocent, obtuse, nicely approves him. Then hell starts for me.

I log onto Facebook pretty often, usually more than once a day. Now, every single time I log onto Facebook, this vegetable will never fail to greet me with a "Hey Nadia, whats up?". I log on to Facebook 5 times a day, I will get "Hey Nadia" 5 times a day. Dude, all I want to do is check my notifications and consider starting on Cafe World.

Then I start completely ignoring him because telling him off didn't seem to get through his skull. Or maybe his huge front teeth were blocking my words from reaching his brain. Anyway, when I start ignoring him, he sends creepy messages like "I am outside your window, look out and wave" or "I'm outside your room door, open up".

Now here's my ideal scenario where I look out my window, with perfect hair and skin, staring out onto the grounds below and waving coyly at a buff, blue or green-eyed hunk who would like nothing more than to come upstairs and sweep me off my feet in a very macho fashion. But I, sticking so grandly to my principles, won't let him but he is, however, so deeply in love with me that he will be willing to wait until I have a PhD in neuroscience or cognitive psychology and agree to marry him.

And then here's reality; me, alone in my room, blasting the heaviest metal music I can find in attempt to sound menacing, while looking for the heaviest object I can find in my room because I'm freaked out thinking there is some big Nigerian guy outside my door waiting to pounce on me if I step outside. So not ideal.

Then my birthday came. He ran into me on campus saying that he bought me a present and passed it to one of my friends, Fatin. Needless to say, I never collected the present from her and he eventually took it back from her. He passed it to another friend who basically tricked me into taking the present. When I opened it, guess what it was.

A Taylor Swift CD.

I have the worst stalker in the world.

So now, after about 5 months of trying to deal with this loony, I've come to ask myself; do I give off some kind of subliminal aura that says "No, hunky blue-eyed British rugby player with a body to die for, I don't want you to talk to me because I don't like hunky men" while simultaneously projecting "Hey there, dark, hideous freak of nature. Come hither and type sweet nothings into my Facebook inbox" ?

If I do, my life is rightfully, truly, totally... sad.