BREATHE.

Tomororw, Saturday 9am, I will be at HELP University College, registering for the HELP Psychology Challenge 2009 and competing for a full scholarship worth RM 64900. Which covers my foundation studies and bachelor's degree in Psychology. Which has been my ambition since 2007.


I'm nervous. Nervous nervous nervous scared anxious anxious worried worried worried jittery jittery nervous nervous.
The butterflies in my stomach have been mating, and producing more butterflies.
This kills me, you know. This time tomorrow, I might get a scholarship which might pretty much bolt my future down for the next 3 years or so. This time tomorrow, I might also be feeling Dejected, Disappointed, and feeling completely Down. If only tomorrow would be judged based on how many alliterations I can come up with. Hahaha yeah right.

My palms and feet are sweating. I've never been this nervous. Not for debates, not for public speaking competitions, not for PMR results, not for anything. Well, yeah I'm usually able to control my fear and anxiousness pretty well, but not for this.
I can't sit still, it seems unnaturally hot today, I'm always thirsty, and I'm extreeeeemely restless. Gee, can't you tell?

Jesus Christ, I wish God would speed up time and just fast forward to 5.15 pm tomorrow. Just get me through tonight and tomorrow as quickly as possible.

You know what is causing all this? PRESSURE, that's what it is. Pressure because this is my chance. My chance to stop my dad from worrying about how to pay for my education, a chance for me to do what I want, a chance for me to keep my mother from nagging everyday to study and get my A's for SPM. I can make everything stop tomorrow. All I have to do is beat 30 noobs. Who will probably be Chinese kick ass smart shitheads with kiasu parents pushing for the scholarship, regardless of whether they actually WANT to do psychology or not.

I can do this.



I can.






I can.






I can.







I can.










I so can do this.











I am totally able.










Yes, I can!










Help!

It's here

A pig virus mutated, infected humans, traveled the world, reached Malaysia, infected a 14 year old in my school, and now my school gets a week off. Which we unfortunately have to replace in the coming August holidays.

ISN'T LIFE BEAUTIFUL? *flips finger*

Torn

What do you do when the people close to you suddenly act different because of who you're with?
Would you take the risk and stay with each other for something great that might just fall apart?
Or would you back away and try to pretend that nothing has changed, even though it has?

Take in the feelings you have, the happiness you feel, the love you get in return, the satisfaction.
Then, take in the frustration, the "knowing" looks, the prying eyes, the annoyance, the awkward moments.

What do you do when you've got two sides to please?

Jigsaw falling into place

I took part in HELP University College's Psychology Challenge 2009, and guess what. I'm in the top 30. Top prize is a full scholarship to study psychology at HELP la, where else? Well, yeah I'm happy and all but I'm just so god damn LAZY to go for the flippin' interview and lecture and quiz. Why can't they just give me another essay to write and choose from there?
But still, Alhamdulillah. Thank you, God, for this wonderful fluke.

But if I do get the full scholarship, I wouldn't have to worry about SPM anymore. Hehehehe.

Blender

I had my media player on shuffle. A Lady Gaga song came up, Love Game. I was sick of that song because it would never fail to get stuck in my head for at least a day. So I pressed next.
The next song that came up was by a band called Little Joy, a side project by Fab Moretti (my favorite drummer in the world). It's called No One's Better Sake and has a pretty weird beat and melody to it. But I already listened to that song for about 3 times today, so again the next button.
Then came Fields of Gold, by Sting. Who is a 50+ year old man, by the way. Who happens to make damn good music.

Is your playlist as jumbled up as mine? -_-"

Retard

I seriously think I'm mildly autistic. Well, maybe a little bit more than mild. I even have a few symptoms of my own. Like my bad habit, I peel and bite my lips. Well, maybe its not a bad habit. Its an autistic trait. Self inflicted abuse to get the sensory cells moving. My brother has this trait. He starts slapping his cheeks when he's stressed or when he's bored.

Which is exactly what I do. I start biting my lips whenever I'm stressed, anxious or have nothing better to do. I bite and peel until there's nothing left to bite or until my lip starts bleeding and starts hurting to high heaven.

Then I don't really look at people when I'm talking to them. I can't look directly into their eyes, anyway. I choose to stare at some other body part or start playing with my fingers or something else. Even when I psych myself up to looks someone in the eyes, I break the stare when the person looks back at me. It's very frustrating.

AND... it's a proven fact that siblings of autistic kids are slightly autistic show mild symptoms of autism and are usually slightly autistic. A proven fact.

My song of the week is worth publishing

Please try listening to Use Somebody, by Kings of Leon.

I wouldn't actually know about you, but this song makes me feel like running to the guy of my choice and giving him a huge hug. Hehe.