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I like turtles

I just watched an episode of Scrubs where the janitor got married. You know, the thing I like about Scrubs is that no matter how wacky or random or stupid the antics may be, a message is always thrown right into your face. And a pretty big message at that.

Like the episode I just watched went and threw this sucker to me : Love is capable of changing you, whether you like it or not. And no matter what, it's going to be a good change.

Got me thinking (hence this post, duh), have my past relationships changed me for the better or am I just the same crappy person I was a few years ago?

Quick recap :

Relationship #1 - Started lying to my parents for his sake. Don't think it was a good change.

Relationship #2 - Started being more and more judgmental, materialistic, picky and downright cruel. Not good change.

Relationship #3 - Started giving up on believing there is such a thing as real love altogether. Well, isn't this a happy thought?

So anyway, here I am today. I went from a a 15 year old girl who would jump over the moon with joy if her dearly beloved gave her a bar of chocolate, to an 18 year old girl who would gladly burn all romance novels and chick lits because of their sickening happy endings and perfect little romantic scenarios.

But back in a little corner of my mind, there's this question. Maybe I just haven't found the right person to change me? This feeling of boundless love has to be real. I know it is because I've seen it. I've seen people change for me. I've seen the way they love endlessly. That's what makes things so difficult and imperfect for me. I have yet to find somebody who I am going to love endlessly. I have to find someone I myself love, and who loves me back. In that real way, not that stupid meaningless "I love you because you're so hot/pretty and I just wanna fuck you" way.

I think Scrubs left something out in their message. It should be - Someone you really love is capable of changing you, whether you like it or not. And no matter what, it's going to be a good change.

I am growing up!

5 years ago - I was 13 and just entered secondary school. I had very long and straight hair, dressed in baggy t-shirts, my brother's old shorts, listened to 50 cent, wore strap-on sandals and made friends with pretty much everyone. I was on the drama team, still went for ballet on weekdays and gymnastics on weekends. I had plenty of friends and was considered a "well-rounded" and "bubbly" person. At the end of the year, I had some pretty rough moments with an almost-divorce, a bit of blood and some sobering up on my part. I cut my hair and it changed from long and straight to short and wavy.

4 years ago - I was 14 and got demoted to a pretty shitty class. I mixed with some pretty weird people and started being judgmental. I slacked off from my studies. Brother started living in Klang, which meant I was away from my family most of the time. Stopped all of my out-of-school activities and got swamped with tuition classes and homework. Started fighting with parents and got bad grades in school. Discovered boys. Discovered bands. Discovered writing.

3 years ago - I was 15. I found Azam, my first boyfriend and fell totally head over heels. Started lying to parents to go out with him, started using my friends to cover for me which was all a waste of time anyway. I found Dayah and Hani, my first real friends after a long time. Put myself back on track, got good grades for PMR :)

2 years ago - I was 16. I cut my hair short. Got involved and broke up with Zul. Had a big party year with fun classmates and equally fun teachers. Never took things seriously for a whole year. Made close friends. Started getting obsessed with certain bands.

1 year ago - I was 17. Got involved in a messy relationship with a good friend and ended badly (big mistake). Pushed things aside, studied, got good grades for SPM :)

Today - I am 18. I dyed my hair. I am going to study psychology. I lost some phony "friends" and kept my real ones. I listen to 80's rock, screamo and acoustic at the same time. I have goals and ambitions. I can drive. I can play guitar, drums and piano. I can tell you the meaning of several Latin phrases. I am learning Spanish. I am satisfied with what I grew up to be. And I'm going to keep on growing and see where that takes me.

Things I need to remember about life

1. Nobody is what they seem to be.
2. Cursing and swearing will not get you anywhere.
3. Friends come and go. Nobody, if not a precious few, will last.
4. Trust no one but yourself. You make your way in life.
5. Never look back.
6. Smile.

Where once was a light, now darkness falls
Where once was love, love is no more

Don't say goodbye, don't say I didn't try

These tears we cry are falling rain
For all the lies you told us, the hurt, the blame
And we will weep to be so alone
We are lost, we can never go home

So in the end I'll be what I will be
No loyal friend was ever there for me

Now we say goodbye, we say you didn't try
These tears you cry, have come too late
Take back the lies, the hurt, the blame
And you will weep when you face the end alone

You are lost, you can never go home
You are lost, you can never go home

No more roads.

I recently received an iPhone from my parents as a reward for my SPM results and needless to say, I've been downloading apps like crazy because, well... it's fun. Anyway, yesterday, I downloaded a game titled "Waterslide" which involves maneuvering yourself on waterslides that take you around the city. That's right. You waterslide yourself through a city.

Got me thinking. Wouldn't it be so cool if that were reality? Imagine.

Instead of roads and highways, we'd have waterslides spiralling out of the top floor of buildings and stretching all over the place. Instead of running out of fuel, you'd run out of momentum. Instead of potholes, you'd have a blocked water jet. Roadkill definitely won't be an issue anymore. So will car pile-ups, traffic jams, overheated cars. All moot.

And imagine this. You can't slide well in jeans or heels, right? So when people travel, they'll be wearing swimsuits. During rush hour or lunch period, everybody will jump out of their work clothes and step into swimming trunks, bikinis, frock (?) suits, put on a pair of goggles, a swimming cap and slide down into their favorite restaurant or right into their houses. Imagine spotting a hot guy in a pair of trunks while you, looking great in a fantastic looking suit, step out for a quick slide. No need for fantasizing, you've already got a visualization right in front of you.

Plus, that would solve our big environmental issue. Waterslides = no vehicles. No vehicles = no carbon dioxide emission. See?

The whole world should listen to my ideas.

"Life"

Nana came over the other day and she helped me crack The Sims 3, which I FINALLY got to play. After about, what, 3 months? Anyway, playing The Sims got me to thinking. You know in the game when you meet somebody, there's a little tab on the upper left corner that lets you know what that person thinks of your character. Well, wouldn't it be so much easier in life if we had that kind of thing in real life.

You meet someone and while talking you get to see their real reaction. You can decide straight away whether this person is going to be a waste of your time or going to give you the time of your life. No guessing whether he likes you or not, no wondering what you did wrong. Its all there, hovering over that persons head.

I'm imagining. I am having a conversation with Fernando Torres. I DID say imagine.


"Nadia, I think you look very nice today" (in sexy Spanish accent)
"Oh, why thank you, Fernando"
*Nadia thinks Fernando is being flirty*
"Well of course I am being flirty. I think you are very attractive."
"Would you like to have dinner with me tonight, Fernando?"
"I thought you would never ask, Nadia. Si, mi amor!"
*Nadia thinks Fernando is attractive*
*Fernando thinks Nadia is attractive*

Or when a fight is starting.

*Nadia thinks Fernando is being impolite*
*Fernando thinks Nadia is being ignorant*

"Hey look, we're both getting angry. We should take some time and cool down."
"Yeah, we shouldn't get in a fight. We'll talk about this later."


I wish I were a Sim =.=