The worst four letter word.

"The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass"

But real love is supposed to be reciprocal, right? Therefore, if I am with the right person, I'm going to be thinking that the sun shines out of his ass, as well as him thinking that the sun shines out of mine.

I guess that makes sense.

Sasquatch and Bigfoot

At home, life is sweet. I get my own room, a bed with four pillows, air conditioning for the insane weather and my own bathroom.

In college, I've got my own room, a bed with four pillows (well, two large pillows and two cushions but I'm not complaining) and air conditioning for the insane weather. BUT I have to share a bathroom with two other Sri Lankan girls. I'll admit, it doesn't sound like much. Lots of people share bathrooms and live perfectly happy lives, but I swear to Jesus, Mary, Vishnu, Muhammad and Allah himself, I CANNOT STAND SHARING BATHROOMS WITH PEOPLE.

I sound like a prima donna? Oh yeah? Would you be able to live a happy life if :-

1) You walk into your bathroom with the simple and perfectly natural intention of taking a leak, you look into the toilet bowl and see a bunch of PUBES taking a swim in the bowl. Pubic hair. Pubic hair, my friend. That is just plain rude. You would think that common courtesy, common sense and common hygiene would dictate that you to just push the little lever that mankind has invented to flush down the things that you want to get rid of. Or maybe I'm being pessimistic. Maybe it's a peace offering. You know, like the way your pets bring you little dead animals and drop it on your doorstep. Maybe in my bathroom mates' heads, they're thinking "Gee, she's a nice person. She washes the floor after she showers so I don't slip on her soap suds. Maybe I'll leave her a little gift. Snippity-snip-snip... THERE! The perfect gift! She'll love it."

2) It's 2am and you've had a long day. You've finally got the chance to tuck yourself into bed, and close your eyes. Suddenly, the bathroom door opens really loud, she literally rams her fist into the wall to switch on the bathroom light, and starts to pee. And not pee in a ladylike tinkle, a full on jet stream of pee is speeding into the toilet bowl, making me imagine horses. You know the way horses pee, that steady stream of urine flowing out in a very consistent pattern. And even worse, she's singing Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. I mean, I admire her bladder control but Bad Romance at 2am in the morning is bad.

*I took a quick break. People Magazine announces Ryan Reynolds is Sexiest Man Alive 2010! It must be those cheese-grater abs.*

3) You walk into the bathroom for a shower and guess what's on the floor? MUD. Seriously?! How in heaven's name did mud get on the floor? Did they decide to take mud baths? I know it's good for the skin, but oh God, couldn't they go jungle trekking during a storm or something? And why oh why oh why couldn't they have the common courtesy to wash the floor? Is it so hard to take the pipe, point it towards the drain, and wait for the water to do all the work? My heart is aching now, really.

4) One of them has the smelliest loofah's on Earth. It smells like it hasn't taken a shower. Which is weird because, well, it's a loofah. It's supposed to smell clean. You're supposed to put soap on it and scrub your body, thus the clean and soapy smell. If the loofah smells bad, imagine what the person who uses it smells like. And even worse, she hangs it at the shower knob; the one that you turn to make the water come. Therefore forcing me to smell it.

5) The amount of hair they shed is amazing. If I didn't wash it down the drain for them, it could literally carpet the floor. I could have a nice, furry bathroom floor like the rich people do in "Teen Cribs" on MTV. Except it's human hair and its not soft, white and fluffy. Not to mention gross. My friends tell me I am sharing a bathroom with Sasquatch and Bigfoot. It's not a happy community. The drains suffer, the little vent above the drain suffers, I suffer. They don't suffer, though. I think they're perfectly happy with hairy floors and clogged drains. Because hey, that's how hairy giants roll, I guess.

So now that we know what the problem is, how do we solve it? It's a delicate situation, really. We're not talking about the weather or coursework or how to cook good pasta or something nice and impersonal. We're talking about pubes and how they pee and smelly loofahs and the hairs on their head.

What do I say to them? Do I leave them a subtle note? If I do, how do I give it to them? Do I slip it under their door, or do I tape it to the bathroom wall, or to really punish them; I could tape it to their main door and let the whole world see.

Or I could kick their door down, scream in their faces about their disgusting habits and maybe they'll see how much it upsets their nice neighbour and be more considerate. But then, maybe they'll get offended and scream right back in my face about my unknown disgusting habits. Because that's the thing, maybe they don't realise they're being disgusting. Maybe that's how they were raised and they're just rolling the way they have always rolled; disgustingly. And thus, if I bring up the subject in their faces, they might tell me that I'm actually equally disgusting to them but I just haven't realised because I've been rolling the way I've always rolled; awesomely.

But yes, I am in a big dilemma. I know I have to face this, I absolutely cannot survive with mud on the floor and pubes in the toilet bowl. I have to figure out how to say "You bitches are disgusting, could you be less disgusting so that I can shower in peace without having to wash your nasty hairs down the drain for you" in the most polite and non-offensive way.

I WILL FIGURE THIS PROBLEM OUT.

God save the queen

Yesterday, I was waiting in line for my lunch with a friend who grew up all over the world. He had lived in Saudi, Jamaica, UK and now he's in Malaysia. I had only been to the UK once when I was 11 and we were talking about the sights there. Then he asked me how Malaysia has been treating me. And I answered,

"Ugh, I've been in Malaysia my whole life. I can't wait to get out."

For some reason, I can't really understand why I said that. I mean, there are definitely things about Malaysia that I absolutely cannot stand. Like the petty politics and corrupted politicians, education system for robots, stereotypical Malays who cannot accept change, money hungry Chinese and scary Indians (i might be acting a little racist here but its a goddamn fact), the inability of Malaysians to recognize something good and just throwing it away, how its weird to be different, and the weather. For some reason, the weather just pisses me off. When it's hot, it's TOO HOT. I'm happy whenever we get a storm because that's the only time I get to wear a thick and comfortable hoodie without looking totally out of place and baking myself with the heat. But then when it rains for weeks on end, everything gets flooded and I can't go out, I get pissed off again.

But then, I thought back and realized all the things I would miss if I were somewhere else. Roti canai, nasi lemak, teh tarik, mamak shops, all my friends here, roti naan at Taj with my dad, the seedy karaoke booths with weird song selections, the beach, the people, the pasar malams and 476534092375 other things that would cross my mind if I actually sat down and really thought about it.

(I realize that most of the things I think I'll miss is the food. Bahaha)

(Further realization) I guess most of the things I don't like are the big things that matter in the makings of a country. Educational system, society's perception, politics etc. Eventually we might just totally fail as a developing country and never be able to be seen as a "developed" country, the way we're going. And it makes me worry, therefore making me feel like getting my ass out of here, to save it from a less than ideal future.

But then, bottom line is, wherever I go, these small things like roti canai and seedy karaoke booths are going to make me miss Malaysia like a sick dog. Because nothing is going to change the fact that I have lived my whole life here, that this place is home.

CEYYYY check me out, being all patriotic. Somebody play 'Negaraku', lets all stand up and cry for this beautiful country.

(See my pathetic attempt to not seem lame and touchy-feely. Ugh =.= thank God nobody reads blogs anymore)

Drama

Time: 10.30 am

Location: Math lecture

Cast: Wong Hon Jiun, Celyn Ng, Nadia Amirah, Person-with-long-complicated-name-which-I-can't-remember, Math Lecturer, Person-with-long-complicated-name-which-I-can't-remember 2

*Feel free to come up with your own background music, it'll make the scene much more TV-drama.

Scene:

*while drawing up graphs*

(cue cheerful, upbeat music)

Hon Jiun: Nadia, don't be such an ASS-ymptote!

Nadia: Boy, don't be dissin' the asymptotes

Celyn: Awkward turtle

Hon Jiun, Nadia, Celyn: *noise noise noise chatter chatter chatter*

Math Lecturer: Are you guys ok? Had your breakfast ah?

Hon Jiun, Nadia, Celyn: Haha no sir, math makes us slightly mad.

*Math Lecturer leaves room for a while*

(cue Jaws theme song)

Personwithlongcomplicatedlastname: Guys, seriously could you stop talking? You're talking, like, way too loud and being really offensive to the lecturer. You really need to tone it down

Hon Jiun, Nadia, Celyn: ... Ok :|

(cue dramatic music DOM DOM DOMMMMMMM)

K so that is what happens in my university. We are not free to be a little retarded in a complicated class because apparently it is offensive to a lecturer who tells us dirty jokes in class. I'm sorry, but we feel that sometimes being a little retarded and yes, loud, helps liven up the mood. Heaven help me, I don't think I could survive a 2 hour lecture of just drawing up meaningless graphs in heavy silence. Why do you think the math lecturer has a "Joke of the Day" segment in his class? Even he knows it can get a little dead. Live a little, will ya?

I'm just feeling really disappointed because I thought we'd leave all these petty little dramas back in high school. Not that i got involved in high school drama, I kept well out of the way. Is this karma for being too clean in school? :-/

Yes, no, maybe. I don't know.

I am thinking of applying for a post on my university's Media Crew. Maybe as photographer or journalist. Photographer would be the easier post since all I'd have to do is click a button and make it look pretty. On the other hand, being a journalist would be more interesting and I would actually be able to write something without having to worry about "cautious language", "sentence structure", "topic sentences" and all that (english lectures, yuck). And covering "Campus Life and Opinion" would be right up my alley because I'm living on campus and I have plenty of opinion and I've gotten pretty good feedback from people about my writing skills.

But photography would be more fun. And I might just improve whatever small skill I have. And I would look so awesome with an SLR around my neck :)

But the SLR is so heavy and makes my neck sweat and I always feel like there's a layer of daki where the strap to the SLR hangs because it's so thick and heavy.

But I would look so awesome.

Or I just apply for both and see whether I'm even offered a post.

Or I apply for none and focus on my studies, since lord knows I need to get it together.

Or I just apply and let it become a distraction from my studies to avoid myself from working too hard.

HAHAHAHA I made a joke. Working too hard. As if I ever do.

Ok, I think I will just apply. Okay. Yes. APPLY.





But for what?

What Twitter and Tumblr did to me

Twitter --
I compress everything into 140 characters or less. My thoughts become so random and insignificant and small so that they can fit into 140 characters or less. Bigger and deeper thoughts are difficult to break down to fit into Twitter, so I don't tweet about them. I just abandon any big and deep thoughts and continue thinking small and stupid.

Tumblr--
I read through other peoples thoughts and reblogged anything that seemed to resemble my own thoughts. It's like other people's thoughts become my thoughts. And I become the same as everybody else.

Maybe I should delete my Twitter and Tumblr and stick to blogging like I used to? I feel like I was more intelligent when I actually had to think of my own words and not steal other peoples stupid lines.

When all else fails, make a list.

I want to write about so many things. So, I shall make a list. Because lists are fun to make :)

1. I've entered university. I'm currently studying at University of Nottingham, which might sound fancy but its not. Why? Because it's in the middle of nowhere. Semenyih, to be exact. Where the hell is Semenyih? Even I'm not too sure but it's in Selangor and it's 45 minutes away from Mid Valley by train on a day where we actually arrive on time and don't miss the trains.

2. So far, its only been a month since I've started here but I think too many people know who I am. I guess it's because I stick out like a sore thumb wrapped in a frilly pink bandage. I feel like I'm neither here nor there, in the sense that I don't look local but I don't sound foreign but at the same time I'm not from KL; I'm from Kuantan which doesn't justify the way I speak, the way I dress or the way I look. And since this place has people from all over the place, everybody has second guesses about me. I can lie and say I'm from Pakistan or Egypt or Europe and people will be like 50/50 but when I tell them the truth that I'm from Kuantan, they accept it but not without saying "Seriously?" or "Don't lie" or "That's in Malaysia, right?". Even my reaction to this is neither here nor there. I'm sort of flattered but kind of put off at the same time. I mean, come on. I'm not THAT different. Not that I don't enjoy being different, but I'm not so very different. Am I? See, neither here nor there.

3. It's only been a month but I've seen so many different kinds of people that I love and hate. There are the most beautiful Kazakhs and Irani's here, there are the Africans who look so alike that I can't tell one from the other and then there are the typical Malaysians who speak Manglish and say "I want nasi lemak" every single day. There are people who are sweet and huggable, there are people who are just here to smoke cigarettes and weed, two-faced people, hairy people, handsome people, really weird looking people, super rich people, extremely smart people and I can go on and on and on and on. This is like my ultimate people-watching spot because there are so many different kinds of people to watch.

4. The food here sucks. I'm eating Pakistani food everyday which includes briyani and naan. Good thing there's a pool here (which I don't use that frequently anyway, so no use haha)

5. K I'm out of ideas. This turned out to be a sucky list.