LIFE DILEMMAS

I know a few girls in college who have recently gotten boyfriends. Not that I mind, they look amazingly happy which is great for them. But watching them with their boyfriends and the attitude change in them kinda leaves me thinking. Is that what love does to us?

One of them used to be superbly health conscious. She was the type of person who would eat fruits after every meal, go dancing to keep her figure, watch her food and stuff like that. Now she smokes shisha and cigarettes, drinks and goes clubbing. Well okay, clubbing = dancing = keeps her figure. Let's log that away. When asked about why she smokes and drinks, she says it's because her boyfriend and his friends do and so, it's just social smoking and drinking. She "has it under control". And besides, she "doesn't even like it that much". I guess if it was her own choice to smoke and drink because she wanted to, I understand. Everybody is curious, everybody likes trying new things. But why do it for a boyfriend? Is that real love? Destroying your body inside out to spend time with a person you care for?

Another one of them used to wear a tudung. I don't know her that well, so I'll be stereotypical here. Tudung = no cigarettes. Enter boyfriend: tudung comes off, bikini comes on, cigarette enters mouth. I know I'm not being naive, even I can tell that's a drastic change. And why? I dunno, it started roughly around the time she got a boyfriend.

Which brings me to my million dollar question in life: How do you know when love is real and when it's not?

More thousand dollar questions: Does changing for the worst for the sake of love make it real? Or is it just the fact that you're willing to change for a loved one that validates your backward change? But then if the love you're feeling is real, shouldn't the person love you for who you are, flaws and all? But isn't change part of growing up? But isn't growing up knowing which choices are right and which are wrong? But what defines right and wrong nowadays when what was once wrong in the past is seen as an accepted thing now?

See how life messes a person up. No wonder suicide rates are up.

Okay, now that my head is properly messed with, I am going to grab a pizza and scarf down my thoughts while watching Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.

And to all, a good night!

Halos mixed with vomit

I don't know why, but lately I feel like my Facebook homepage has been flooded with pious people. You know the kind, the type that posts new "revelations" and their latest religious findings every 5 minutes. Their cheesy words and flowery sentences distracting you for a while from their real intention. But by God, when their intention hits you, it hits you as hard as a kinky hooker's whip; I AM A BETTER PERSON THAN YOU ARE AND I AM SHOVING IT INTO YOUR FACE BY POSTING MY BETTERNESS FOR ALL TO SEE SO, SUCK IT B-TCH.

Or at least that's what I think.

You know why that comes to mind? Because I know that the people who post these kinds of things used to be as bad as I did, or even worse. But the real kicker is that you know nothing has changed about them. It's just that some of that badness in them had been accidentally exposed, so to cover up their shame, they do every single thing in their power to give this impression to the rest of the world - "I'm a nice boy, I would never commit such heinous acts, don't you see my shiny halo on top of my head, praise me". Makes me sick to my stomach.

I'm sorry but things like "Sebesar Manakah Allah S.W.T" and "Kompas Kehidupan" don't strike me as life-changing at the horrible age of 18. Especially when they are written by people who I know for a FACT, are not so very different from me in terms of the sins we committed.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not condemning the act of repenting. I can personally say that one of the most fulfilling things in life is finding solace in faith and religion, but hey. These kind of things are not made to be showed off.

You're a better person? Great.

You like reading about religion now? Wonderful.

You've seen the error of your ways? Alhamdulillah, all's good on your end.

You like showing off about it? You haven't changed a bit.

The worst four letter word.

"The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass"

But real love is supposed to be reciprocal, right? Therefore, if I am with the right person, I'm going to be thinking that the sun shines out of his ass, as well as him thinking that the sun shines out of mine.

I guess that makes sense.

Sasquatch and Bigfoot

At home, life is sweet. I get my own room, a bed with four pillows, air conditioning for the insane weather and my own bathroom.

In college, I've got my own room, a bed with four pillows (well, two large pillows and two cushions but I'm not complaining) and air conditioning for the insane weather. BUT I have to share a bathroom with two other Sri Lankan girls. I'll admit, it doesn't sound like much. Lots of people share bathrooms and live perfectly happy lives, but I swear to Jesus, Mary, Vishnu, Muhammad and Allah himself, I CANNOT STAND SHARING BATHROOMS WITH PEOPLE.

I sound like a prima donna? Oh yeah? Would you be able to live a happy life if :-

1) You walk into your bathroom with the simple and perfectly natural intention of taking a leak, you look into the toilet bowl and see a bunch of PUBES taking a swim in the bowl. Pubic hair. Pubic hair, my friend. That is just plain rude. You would think that common courtesy, common sense and common hygiene would dictate that you to just push the little lever that mankind has invented to flush down the things that you want to get rid of. Or maybe I'm being pessimistic. Maybe it's a peace offering. You know, like the way your pets bring you little dead animals and drop it on your doorstep. Maybe in my bathroom mates' heads, they're thinking "Gee, she's a nice person. She washes the floor after she showers so I don't slip on her soap suds. Maybe I'll leave her a little gift. Snippity-snip-snip... THERE! The perfect gift! She'll love it."

2) It's 2am and you've had a long day. You've finally got the chance to tuck yourself into bed, and close your eyes. Suddenly, the bathroom door opens really loud, she literally rams her fist into the wall to switch on the bathroom light, and starts to pee. And not pee in a ladylike tinkle, a full on jet stream of pee is speeding into the toilet bowl, making me imagine horses. You know the way horses pee, that steady stream of urine flowing out in a very consistent pattern. And even worse, she's singing Bad Romance by Lady Gaga. I mean, I admire her bladder control but Bad Romance at 2am in the morning is bad.

*I took a quick break. People Magazine announces Ryan Reynolds is Sexiest Man Alive 2010! It must be those cheese-grater abs.*

3) You walk into the bathroom for a shower and guess what's on the floor? MUD. Seriously?! How in heaven's name did mud get on the floor? Did they decide to take mud baths? I know it's good for the skin, but oh God, couldn't they go jungle trekking during a storm or something? And why oh why oh why couldn't they have the common courtesy to wash the floor? Is it so hard to take the pipe, point it towards the drain, and wait for the water to do all the work? My heart is aching now, really.

4) One of them has the smelliest loofah's on Earth. It smells like it hasn't taken a shower. Which is weird because, well, it's a loofah. It's supposed to smell clean. You're supposed to put soap on it and scrub your body, thus the clean and soapy smell. If the loofah smells bad, imagine what the person who uses it smells like. And even worse, she hangs it at the shower knob; the one that you turn to make the water come. Therefore forcing me to smell it.

5) The amount of hair they shed is amazing. If I didn't wash it down the drain for them, it could literally carpet the floor. I could have a nice, furry bathroom floor like the rich people do in "Teen Cribs" on MTV. Except it's human hair and its not soft, white and fluffy. Not to mention gross. My friends tell me I am sharing a bathroom with Sasquatch and Bigfoot. It's not a happy community. The drains suffer, the little vent above the drain suffers, I suffer. They don't suffer, though. I think they're perfectly happy with hairy floors and clogged drains. Because hey, that's how hairy giants roll, I guess.

So now that we know what the problem is, how do we solve it? It's a delicate situation, really. We're not talking about the weather or coursework or how to cook good pasta or something nice and impersonal. We're talking about pubes and how they pee and smelly loofahs and the hairs on their head.

What do I say to them? Do I leave them a subtle note? If I do, how do I give it to them? Do I slip it under their door, or do I tape it to the bathroom wall, or to really punish them; I could tape it to their main door and let the whole world see.

Or I could kick their door down, scream in their faces about their disgusting habits and maybe they'll see how much it upsets their nice neighbour and be more considerate. But then, maybe they'll get offended and scream right back in my face about my unknown disgusting habits. Because that's the thing, maybe they don't realise they're being disgusting. Maybe that's how they were raised and they're just rolling the way they have always rolled; disgustingly. And thus, if I bring up the subject in their faces, they might tell me that I'm actually equally disgusting to them but I just haven't realised because I've been rolling the way I've always rolled; awesomely.

But yes, I am in a big dilemma. I know I have to face this, I absolutely cannot survive with mud on the floor and pubes in the toilet bowl. I have to figure out how to say "You bitches are disgusting, could you be less disgusting so that I can shower in peace without having to wash your nasty hairs down the drain for you" in the most polite and non-offensive way.

I WILL FIGURE THIS PROBLEM OUT.

God save the queen

Yesterday, I was waiting in line for my lunch with a friend who grew up all over the world. He had lived in Saudi, Jamaica, UK and now he's in Malaysia. I had only been to the UK once when I was 11 and we were talking about the sights there. Then he asked me how Malaysia has been treating me. And I answered,

"Ugh, I've been in Malaysia my whole life. I can't wait to get out."

For some reason, I can't really understand why I said that. I mean, there are definitely things about Malaysia that I absolutely cannot stand. Like the petty politics and corrupted politicians, education system for robots, stereotypical Malays who cannot accept change, money hungry Chinese and scary Indians (i might be acting a little racist here but its a goddamn fact), the inability of Malaysians to recognize something good and just throwing it away, how its weird to be different, and the weather. For some reason, the weather just pisses me off. When it's hot, it's TOO HOT. I'm happy whenever we get a storm because that's the only time I get to wear a thick and comfortable hoodie without looking totally out of place and baking myself with the heat. But then when it rains for weeks on end, everything gets flooded and I can't go out, I get pissed off again.

But then, I thought back and realized all the things I would miss if I were somewhere else. Roti canai, nasi lemak, teh tarik, mamak shops, all my friends here, roti naan at Taj with my dad, the seedy karaoke booths with weird song selections, the beach, the people, the pasar malams and 476534092375 other things that would cross my mind if I actually sat down and really thought about it.

(I realize that most of the things I think I'll miss is the food. Bahaha)

(Further realization) I guess most of the things I don't like are the big things that matter in the makings of a country. Educational system, society's perception, politics etc. Eventually we might just totally fail as a developing country and never be able to be seen as a "developed" country, the way we're going. And it makes me worry, therefore making me feel like getting my ass out of here, to save it from a less than ideal future.

But then, bottom line is, wherever I go, these small things like roti canai and seedy karaoke booths are going to make me miss Malaysia like a sick dog. Because nothing is going to change the fact that I have lived my whole life here, that this place is home.

CEYYYY check me out, being all patriotic. Somebody play 'Negaraku', lets all stand up and cry for this beautiful country.

(See my pathetic attempt to not seem lame and touchy-feely. Ugh =.= thank God nobody reads blogs anymore)

Drama

Time: 10.30 am

Location: Math lecture

Cast: Wong Hon Jiun, Celyn Ng, Nadia Amirah, Person-with-long-complicated-name-which-I-can't-remember, Math Lecturer, Person-with-long-complicated-name-which-I-can't-remember 2

*Feel free to come up with your own background music, it'll make the scene much more TV-drama.

Scene:

*while drawing up graphs*

(cue cheerful, upbeat music)

Hon Jiun: Nadia, don't be such an ASS-ymptote!

Nadia: Boy, don't be dissin' the asymptotes

Celyn: Awkward turtle

Hon Jiun, Nadia, Celyn: *noise noise noise chatter chatter chatter*

Math Lecturer: Are you guys ok? Had your breakfast ah?

Hon Jiun, Nadia, Celyn: Haha no sir, math makes us slightly mad.

*Math Lecturer leaves room for a while*

(cue Jaws theme song)

Personwithlongcomplicatedlastname: Guys, seriously could you stop talking? You're talking, like, way too loud and being really offensive to the lecturer. You really need to tone it down

Hon Jiun, Nadia, Celyn: ... Ok :|

(cue dramatic music DOM DOM DOMMMMMMM)

K so that is what happens in my university. We are not free to be a little retarded in a complicated class because apparently it is offensive to a lecturer who tells us dirty jokes in class. I'm sorry, but we feel that sometimes being a little retarded and yes, loud, helps liven up the mood. Heaven help me, I don't think I could survive a 2 hour lecture of just drawing up meaningless graphs in heavy silence. Why do you think the math lecturer has a "Joke of the Day" segment in his class? Even he knows it can get a little dead. Live a little, will ya?

I'm just feeling really disappointed because I thought we'd leave all these petty little dramas back in high school. Not that i got involved in high school drama, I kept well out of the way. Is this karma for being too clean in school? :-/

Yes, no, maybe. I don't know.

I am thinking of applying for a post on my university's Media Crew. Maybe as photographer or journalist. Photographer would be the easier post since all I'd have to do is click a button and make it look pretty. On the other hand, being a journalist would be more interesting and I would actually be able to write something without having to worry about "cautious language", "sentence structure", "topic sentences" and all that (english lectures, yuck). And covering "Campus Life and Opinion" would be right up my alley because I'm living on campus and I have plenty of opinion and I've gotten pretty good feedback from people about my writing skills.

But photography would be more fun. And I might just improve whatever small skill I have. And I would look so awesome with an SLR around my neck :)

But the SLR is so heavy and makes my neck sweat and I always feel like there's a layer of daki where the strap to the SLR hangs because it's so thick and heavy.

But I would look so awesome.

Or I just apply for both and see whether I'm even offered a post.

Or I apply for none and focus on my studies, since lord knows I need to get it together.

Or I just apply and let it become a distraction from my studies to avoid myself from working too hard.

HAHAHAHA I made a joke. Working too hard. As if I ever do.

Ok, I think I will just apply. Okay. Yes. APPLY.





But for what?