Nah.

1) The person who tagged you is:

- Hidayah mata bulat besar awek Torres isteri Steven Strait.

2) Your relationship with him/her is:

- We're Biffs (BFFs)

3) Your first impression of him/her is:
- drama queen =.=

4) The most memorable moments with he/she:
- when we bonded over P!ATD in Form 3 and "found each other" haha

5) The most memorable thing he/she has said to you is:
- Yunk, I love you

6) If he/she becomes your lover, you will...:
- love her =.=

7) If he/she became your lover, what should he/she improve at:
- pfft

8) If he/she becomes your enemy, what would you do:
- steal Torres away from her.

9) If he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
- I stole Torres away from her.

10) The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
- steal Torres away from her.

11) Your overall impression on him/her:
- My BiFF rulezz :)

12) The characteristic you love most about yourself:
- I'm sucha hottie

13) The characteristic you hate most about yourself:
- I'm like too hot, honey

14) The most ideal person you want to be is:
- Steven Strait's woman

15) For people who care and love you, say something to them:
- wackamoolar poopoo

Pass this quiz to 10 people who you want to know how they feel about you:
1. hidayah nazri
2. hidayah nazri again
3. i pon nak tau, so haha padan muka balik

Spare time.

SPM ended about 2 weeks ago.

That's a pretty big sentence to me. SPM ended. SPM is over. I'm out of school. I'm not a student anymore. My school days are done. Over. Finished. Gone.

Wow.

It's kind of weird, I thought I'd get over the fact by now but whenever I think about it to myself, all I can say is "Wow".

Okay, drama aside, I can't say that I'm putting all this free time to good use. All I've been doing is eat, sleep, shit, go to the beach and watch movies. Which just puts the list I've set myself right in the dumpster. All those things to try out are just sitting there, waiting to be tried out.

Most of my friends are out working, traveling, some are even already planning to go to college in less than a month and here I am, at 1.30 am blogging. I haven't even started going for driving lessons. I'm a useless piece of shit right now.

I think I'll get a job. I'm thinking Baskin Robbins. What about that eh? Can you imagine me behind that colorful counter, in that blue tshirt, going like, "Hi, welcome to Baskin Robbins. Do you want a free sample?". Hmm. Worth a shot, I guess?

Insanity.

When my mother was going through my Inbox ..


Ma : Who's Reemze?
Me : Oh. Ezmeer's so-called twin and alter ego.
Ma : Oh. Okay.
Me : Mine is Aidan, who's my extremely hot but gay evil twin brother.
Ma : What is wrong with you two?

Ambitions.

So...
With only one more paper to go, I've started planning what I'm going to do with myself after SPM. Hehehe.

1. LICENSE (Duh. Without a license, how am I going to go anywhere?)
2. Sleep, to catch up on those late nights with revision books
3. Get a part-time job (but where and as what, I don't know)
4. Exercise (I'm getting kinda chunky at the ass, hadui)
5. Have sleepovers with Dayah and watch all those movies we've been talking about.
6. Spend enough time with Mer before he moves to KL.
7. Buy and read all those books I've been wanting.
8. Watch movies until I rot.
9. Learn a new language (konon).
10. Catch up with some friends in KL who I haven't seen for light years.
11. Do stuff with my hair : dye a stripe, let it grow, get a fringe.
12. Drive to KL at least once.
13. Learn how to be good with a football.
14. Learn how to cook Italian food. Or just cook, in general.
15. Improve on my guitar skills (if I have any)
16. Actually finish reading the SLR manual.
17. Recycle my revisison books.
18. Revamp my room.
19. Stop biting my lips.
20. Go on a road trip with my friends.


I've got a lot more ideas, but when I got to 20 I realized that this should tide me over until March. Hopefully.
And as ambitious as I may seem, I know there's like an 86% chance that by next week, I'll be putting up posts with titles like "I'm bored" and "Rescue me from this slow death".

Maybe I should just get through SPM first before thinking about this.

Brandon Boyd

I melt.

Impressions.

I was looking through MySpace and started browsing through my friends list, started checking out random profiles of random people. Some are good friends, some juniors, some seniors, some I don't even know but don't know how they got into my friends list. Then I realized I was kinda subconciously dividing them into groups. Like, "eew, this kid is lame" "wow, she's so pretty" "whoa, hebatnya budak ni".

Then I thought about how someone out there who does not know me at all can be judging me based on a couple of sentences I write and a picture I posted. Someone could be sorting me into this mental group of exclusivity and decide whether I'm likable or not.

And that kinda freaks me out because heck, I don't know what kind of image I'm projecting to the world. To me, I'm just a 17 year old who is currently trying to get through SPM (which reminds me, I gotta get back to Bio).

But I have to wonder.. What do I look like to the world out there? I'd like to know.

Question.

You ever get that feeling of inadequacy that's so powerful that you feel like all you deserve to do is to just sit in a corner alone, shrivel up into dust and get blown away?
Just keep out of everyone's way because all you are is a nuisance. You're the bug on the windscreen, you're the mosquito bite during a sunny day, you're the piece of lizard shit on the clean wall.
And all you can do is hope to shrink into the distance and that nobody notices that you're gone. Just so that everyone gets their peace of mind and nobody's miserable because of you.

But sometimes when you're trying to do just that, that still doesn't cut it because instead of doing what you're expected to do (which wasn't good enough to begin with), you're doing nothing. Which is a bad thing.
Then things get so demanding and so tense that all you want to do is open your mouth and scream your lungs out but you can't. Because that's just not the right thing to do. The right thing, (or the expected thing) to do is to keep quiet and listen to how wrong you are in a persons eyes.
And so you press your lips together and do everything you can to hold in that stream of words struggling to flow out. You start taking deep calming breaths, you start clenching your fists to keep the anger in, you wedge your feet together to avoid a foot from springing out and kicking something.

Then when the demands are over, you feel so exhausted from keeping in all that anger that you just want to close your eyes, fall asleep and forget. But you can't.
All you want is a clear head and conscience, but there's so many things running through your head. So you wade through the day, head congested with guilt and anger, hoping with all your heart for better tomorrows.

You ever feel like that?